These
are two very simple words with one powerful meaning for someone who is
struggling with some deep-rooted issues.
Ladies and gentlemen, I was struggling with some deep-rooted
issues. I had run away from God, was
filled with resentment towards Him, and demanded He answer my questions about
why I miscarried.
When
you read that, doesn’t it come across as a spoiled little girl who didn’t get
her way? Does it come across as someone
who looks at herself and thinks she is entitled to something? Does it look like someone who loves The Lord
and is thankful for what He has done?
No, it doesn't. This next part of my story is very interesting. Let me tell you about how He showed me Grace, even with the behavior I had showed Him. I headed back into work one
full week after losing my baby. I had
not told my third graders why I would be absent before I had left. When I walked into Room 109 on Monday
morning, I had several “I miss you notes” scattered on my desk. We hadn’t even been in school for a month-
and these children had missed me?
A
former student, who was in 5th grade at the time, came up to me and
said, “Where have you been? I missed
you.” (This particular student and I have
a very special bond.) I couldn’t lie to
her. I looked at her and said, “I
had a baby in my belly and they died.” Do
you know what this 5th grader did? She hugged me. She hugged me and didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. In that moment, I knew things were going to
be OK. It wasn’t going to be an easy
road- but I knew I was going to be OK.
God
had used a sweet 5th grade girl to let me know that things were going to
be all right. I was able to face my
class as they all raced into the room. They had the exact same question and asked why
I hadn't been at school. Do you know
what these sweet third graders did? They
hugged me. They said they were sad for
me. They said, “You would be such a
great mom.” I will never forget that
Monday morning. I was surrounded by
love- in the form of 8 year olds.
If
God using the children who were in my life at the time to show me love, isn’t a form of showing me His
Grace; I don’t know what is. In the moment, I was so thankful for those
third graders. They were with me, and
cared for me, and didn’t judge me. Of
course they went home and told their parents what had happened…
Can
I tell you, those parents were just as supportive as my students had been. I received emails, notes, and cards. I even had a few parents stop in after school
to check on me. Grace.
Simply
put, I had lost my baby. I had been a
terrible child to my Heavenly Father, and He showed me Amazing Grace.
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